Musician as Artist

I have always loved music, since day one, or at least the day that I had cognitive memory. I wrote about this before, about shaking my leg to 'The Best is Yet to Come' by Frank Sinatra when I was 2, or singing 'I Wanna Be Around' with my dad in the car when I was 3...
I would have loved to be a musician, but...to be a musician meant to play a musical instrument, and play it skillfully and with a certain signature of emotion, or sing a song with a strong voice, also with skill and emotion and timing... After playing trumpet in school and trying to learn to play the guitar, the music ends at my wrists...and I tried...over and over, music teachers always say 'practice practice!' and that is very true, even Rick Wakeman, the keyboard player in Yes said, "I can only recommend practice, I can't emphasize that enough"....and I did practice. And I was able to play the notes, but I never *felt* the notes...in other words, I couldn't express them in a way other than just reading them off a music sheet, like taking dictation....like a Great Ape staring through a cage at an elusive wonder, my musical ability is only a whim.
But that has never diminished my appreciation for music, and those who create it...because they are incredible Artists. Those who are able to play an instrument, or sing with a natural flow, as though the music is within them, and it pours out of them with ease...they have a gift..
You see, I think that I envy musicians because it's an instantaneous, communal thing that can be shared...like if you brought your guitar and someone else brought theirs, then you can jam, and play and sing...even if you play or sing in a pedestrian way it doesn't matter, because you get to share the experience, which can only be a fun thing! I never got to that point...
I became an artist anyway, but the solitary kind...I love to create images and I always will...but it's a solitary way of creating something, and yes, there's art guilds and classes...but it's still an individual endeavor. And then maybe you can share it later on, once it's finished...but it will never be spontaneous, like playing music with people in real time, creating it on the spot, and the cameraderie and sheer joy of doing it when it's happening! not to mention the audience who is also watching and listening and experiencing the whole thing...real time as it's being created...the way people smile at each other during the song...and I've seen it, the smiles people give each other when playing and singing, whether it's a small gathering, or onstage at a big arena, music is a shared experience...and I guess I'm just jealous...